Penguins

"Its practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry" 

 -Joe Moore

The Case Of The Disappearing Music

Okay, so I'm not the tidiest of people in this World, i'll admit, but today a strange and horrifying event took place...
I got home from school and attempted to gather my things together for my weekly singing lesson. I looked and looked, but the sheet music was nowhere to be found. I searched through all the places in the living room/dining room/ my bedroom, and it appears to have actually vanished. In the end I had to go to my singing lesson without, which caused many inconveniences.
My first thoughts were that a foolish family member had moved it, but upon interrogation, all four of them deny touching it!
So, this has led me to the conclusion that THE BORROWERS really exist.



As I am fairly certain that i didn't move my stuff, and my family definitely didn't, the only other option is the race of The Borrowers. This very popular book series/ film captured the hearts of many, but we still consider it to be a child's story. With no other explanation for the disappearance of my things, ask yourself 'What have I lost recently?' and the answer, without a doubt will be: The Borrowers.

[Please let me know if they return my stuff to the wrong house!]
Georgie
xx

The Hamster Exorcism

Following up from yesterdays post about sentient melons, I have conclusive evidence hamsters can think. My one, expertly named Dumbledore, is trying to kill me.

I once read a story about how a hamster burnt down a house by causing a spark with its little wheel. The only logical conclusion I can come to is that my furry friend is not only trying to drive me insane with lack of sleep, from the squeaking wheel, its trying to create a fiendfyre. 

If it was a demon I could just hire a priest to exorcise it, or to pretend to and charge me extortionate amounts of money. But it’s a hamster who the deuce is going to take me seriously? I mean it’s cute with its little furry ears and midget paws.

What I really want to know is can pets take therapy, if I wanted to kill someone I know I’d be shipped off to a counsellor. Maybe there’s a hamster whisperer out there who can solve the problem.

Now, people with actually scary pets must have real problems. Like the lady whose python was sizing her up to eat her? You must have heard this story its folk legend; a woman has a snake and she notices its growing horrifically fast and not eating so she takes it to the vet, who tells her its preparing itself to eat her. Not what you wanted to here about your beloved snake Fluffy is it?

Doesn't it strike terror into the cockles of your heart?

Someone should seriously start a helpline for this kind of pet related killings.

Lots of ice lollies,

Ellen xxx

Why my new friend Melon Face is sentient.

Strange as it seems, the cause of today’s existential crisis was a melon. More specifically, Melon face- a half water melon with seeds for eyes and a mouth carved in. My dad after cutting himself while carving the melon demanded revenge, but we quickly pointed out to him that the melon wasn’t sentient and therefore revenge would be pointless.

Or would it? We know melons don’t have a brain. We know they don’t think in the same way we do, their cells may not even be the same as animals. But what is to say somewhere in that fleshy mush of seeds and pink goo there isn’t a soul mixed in, one screaming in pain every time we take a bite?

Those Roald Dahl fans out there may have read a short story in one of his books ‘Skin and other stories- The sound machine’ about a guy who found out plants could be heard on certain frequencies, and that every time we cut down a tree you could hear them scream, if you just tried hard enough.

So, whilst I don’t believe we just have to find the right frequency in order to converse with carrots, I think until we can actually establish if and how souls exist we cannot rule out other sentient beings. Philosophers have been arguing about the mind body dilemma for years, but every one of them seems to have missed out on an important question- how do we know a rock can’t think?

Similarly this whole crisis reminded me of a story I once heard about a women speaking to Richard Dawkins. She told him she knew the world was balanced on top of a stack of pink elephants. Bemused he looked at her and asked her what she thought was underneath the elephants. And she replied “Why Mr Dawkins, it’s elephants all the way down”.

Long story short, we know what science tells us? But do we? Maybe we are just one melon in the great melon vines of the cosmos waiting to eating by some giant bigger than our imagination.

Louisa and Melon face xx

PS please end cruelty to carrots, follow us on facebook.

Why eggs are smexy

So, today we were baffled by language. I mean we use it every day, but what is language, how can you define it. Is it just words we assign to things? In which case would a rose by any other name smell so sweet? Was it developed as a survival skill; the ability to communicate in the caveman era through primitive language must have saved a fair few people from vicious animals. But, more importantly, what does language mean for us now.

Now here’s your task: think of something you know solely through emotion. Probably something like you love your mother, right? Think of something you know solely through language, my example was the only way I know how to spell b-e-a-utifull (courtesy of Bruce almighty) yours is probably something a little saner. Think of something you know through reason, probably an equation in maths or something.

Now the hard bit, think of something you know without using language to describe it. The only example I have ever been able to think of is you can move parts of your body without having to describe how you contract muscles in your head. If you think of a better one, please contact me with your superior mind powers.

We’ve now come to the conclusion that everything we know has to be put into language before it is useable. However its been suggested that language does not improve memory, there’s a small community somewhere in the far north that only have one word for red and orange, yet they can still distinguish between to two perfectly. Now if someone, like Freud, knows enough about how the average human mind works, to what point could they influence and control what we know, or our emotions about things. 

A while back an advertising company was set up that used Freud’s theories on the mind to create awesomely successful ad campaigns.  The one that I find most obscure is cake mix, why does cake mix need adverts, I hear you ask? Back in the 1950’s it wasn’t popular…. Until the company went to the Freudian advertisers who made a few simple changes and created an overnight success.

All they changed was adding egg instead of water. Now with Freud pretty much everything comes down to sex, you fancy that guy? It’s because you’re jealous of your mother.  Eggs have the connotation of fertility, which back in the days of sexism was subconsciously important to many women, adding the egg instead of water just makes cake baking that little bit more interesting now huh? 


Ellen xx

Gloves- Why Ryle was wrong

16 years old, and I don't know what a glove is. OK, so some of us struggle with times tables and spelling words with more than 6 letters, but the definition of a glove is never one that eluded me before today.

Gilbert RyIe was the cause for my distress. He used gloves to describe how like two gloves make a pair, and when they are separated the pair no longer exists, so must our mind and bodies not be able to exist without the other. But, the challenge I find with this is not the analogy but how do you define the term glove?

When does a glove stop becoming a glove? You get fingerless gloves, but yet if you made gloves without a palm it would be a useless collection of finger caps. Is it a certain percentage? Does a glove suddenly become something else when 70% of it's mass is lost? What about fishnet gloves?

Why is an oven glove called a glove, when it is clearly mitten shaped? This led to a worrying debate about whether mittens were a species of glove, and could they therefore be defined differently (although we were stopped in our tracks by someone pointing out oven gloves could also be called oven mitts).

Similarly do over mitts even count as gloves? They certainly don't fit like a glove, and you can get ones that look totally unlike any glove I've ever seen, I'm sure people would question my sanity if I started wearing them as a fashion accessory anyway. (The square ones, joined by a strip of fabric for example). And now you come to think of it where did the expression fit like a glove come from? Many of my gloves aren't as tight as the expression leads us to believe, are they no longer gloves, if they do not fit like one?

glove [gluhv]  noun, verb,gloved, glov·ing.

1. 

a covering for the hand made with a separate sheath for each finger and for the thumb.

Love Louisa xx